I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
