ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
