I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
