You don't have asthma, your pregnant
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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