True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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