I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
