you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize