There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In other news, I just burned my penis
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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