yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
