What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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