I'm so fucking centered right now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
