Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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