quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
