I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize