drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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