i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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