So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
