party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to stop coming to work sober
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
