dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
