Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
