mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
