I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
