Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
