does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
