one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
