Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
