you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
