I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
