My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
