i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
