i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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