You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my being single is dangerous.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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