The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
