I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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