Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
