dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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