Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
