Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
