so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
