did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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