I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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