I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
