I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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