Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
