Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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