stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
