Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We left the knife in your bed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
