I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
