I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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