I am spending my child support on dildos
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize