I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
