Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize