Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
