I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
