Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
