it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
