I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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