I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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