yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
how drunk are you?
Several
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
