I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
