Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
