i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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