If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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