Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize