I'm drive I can fine osifer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
