I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
