my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
