you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
